What makes something memorable?
In this case, what is it that makes a run-of-the-mill quest in a video game more than just the sum of its parts?
Maybe it’s the storytelling, introducing wild concepts and then delivering on them. Could be the voice acting – maybe the delivery is on point. Might just be funny. Or tedious. There’s loads of that kind.
And while I’ve completed thousands upon thousands of quests in my life of playing video games, there’s only a few I can remember. And one, just recently, in Classic World of Warcraft, really struck me.
In fact, this quick one-off quest in WoW Classic became the basis for my entire character.
But, you gotta use your imagination. Storytelling in MMORPG’s has improved since 2004, after all. Even then, you still probably oughta.
First, let me set the stage.
My character, Zitheg, is a young orc shaman who started out as a dust farmer in Durotar before enlisting in the Horde army to battle against numerous foes, starting off with demons from the Burning Legion, as well as the savage quillboar, who stalk the hills and attack passing travelers, even in the shadow of the Horde capital, Orgrimmar.
He cut his teeth on taking down those foes with lightning bolts and axe strikes, all while journeying hither and yon to commune with spirits and collect their totems in order to summon conduits of elemental power!
(This isn’t nearly as interesting as it might sound. It’s pretty basic early-game stuff. Imagination and all that.)
But later on, once Zitheg had made a name for himself (that is to say I’d ran out of quests), he was reassigned to the west, to a land called The Barrens. Not a ton really happens there, mostly just culling the land of over-populated zebras, condors and velociraptors, you know, the typical creatures you’d see in an African savanna. However, it’s not too long into those tasks that he’s sent to investigate a stronghold of the Alliance, the counterpart to the Horde in this world.
It’s there that he learns humans are a bloodthirsty, vicious people who hate him because he’s different. (Note: I died a ton in Northwatch Hold.) All because his people don’t look like them. Oh, and there’s like, you know, a history of orcs sacking the Alliance capital of Stormwind a few years back, but who really pays attention to stories from previous games, right? That’s WarCraft 1 right there. That’s ancient history at this point! (Not really though.)
Anyway. Orcs good, humans bad, you still with me? Oh, and I guess tauren (cow folks), trolls and undead are my friends too. Those four races? They make up the Horde. Alliance has gnomes, dwarves and night elves on their side as well.
We don’t get along.
I could sing of WoW Classic’s praises pretty hard, because it’s unlike many games on the market vying for your attention. The fact that it’s slow, kind of grindy and sometimes not very fun makes the times when it’s the opposite of all those even more rewarding. Modern games, especially MMO’s, often cram so much loot down your gullet that you can’t even really appreciate when you get a cool weapon or awesome-looking armor, because you’ve been given dozens of both for the last 20 minutes.
But when you go eight levels between weapon upgrades, which it might take you about 20 hours to go from 20 to 28 in a game where the level cap is 60 (and that’s an absolutely insane leveling rate by the way), you can really appreciate graduating to your Burning War Axe, with it’s 27.73 damage per second, from your Living Root, a staff with a paltry 21.21 damage per second. Scoff, scoff.
(Then again that staff was free, it dropped from a boss in the Wailing Caverns. All you had to do was roll a higher number, between 1 and 100, among the other members of your party who also wanted it. Lucky for you, you were the only one rolling this time. And you’ve made memories with that staff. Been whacking dudes over the noggin with that thing for a while now. Oh, and that axe was about five gold. And you’re pretty broke. And it’s hard to make money in WoW Classic and gold is important. You should try to have at least 90 before you hit level 40 to get your mount. But this axe should last you until level 37. And five gold for nine levels sounds like a worthwhile investment. Plus, you can vendor it back for almost one gold so it’s basically a four gold investment and then-)
Sorry. It can get kind of involved.
Regardless, Zitheg grabs his new axe, which has a chance to fling a fireball when it’s swung, thus the name, and hightails it over to a zeppelin to travel across the ocean to the Eastern Kingdoms, the land where Stormwind is located. He’s never been there. Hasn’t even left Kalimdor, the other continent in this world. Before now. But he’s not headed to the human capital. No, he’s off to the northern part of the continent, bound for the Hillsbrad Foothills.
A land soaked in the blood of player characters engaging in open-world combat and riddled with unfair fights.
-Oh, you’re about to kill that bear? It’d be a shame if someone just hurled a few lightning bolts your way, huh?
That’s a gank, by the way. A sudden, unexpected attack that usually results in your death. (That’s where the name Storygank comes from, if you didn’t already know.)
Hillsbrad Foothills is also a theater of war in the lore of the game. The humans of Southshore to the, well, south, along the shore, as well as the small town of Hillsbrad, to the west, are engaged in guerilla scuffles with the undead across the entirety of the zone. The undead manage their defenses to the east, at a small encampment called Tarren Mill.
It doesn’t look nearly as cool as it sounds, if it does at all, but that’s where your imagination comes in.
Hoofing it through the area and avoiding as many ganks as he can, Zitheg finally arrives at Tarren Mill and is immediately put to work: kill lions, get their blood. Kill bears, get their blood. This undead apothecary is making some vile elixirs to conduct chemical warfare on the humans – mwa ha ha, hand wring, hand wring – and apparently he needs some blood!
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey man, as long as you’re paying me in gold and experience, I’ll do whatever you need. Quest is as quest does, right?
But then there’s Deathguard Samsa – who might just be the single most insane NPC you’ll ever meet if you pay attention to your quest text.
Right-clicking him to accept his quest, called Souvenirs of Death, leads to this:
“I hear you were enlisted by Darthalia to wage war on the humans of Hillsbrad. So jealous I am…
While you're off having all the fun - slaying humans, pillaging the town, terrorizing innocent people - I am stuck standing guard here in Tarren Mill.
Perhaps you'll take pity on an old Deathguard like myself? You see I am collecting human skulls. And you will be fighting humans for quite some time. Over the course of your long battle, bring me 30 skulls and I will make it worth your while.”
In the game world, you just fling some lightning bolts and swing your axe without a ton more involvement than that to slay your enemy, as a shaman at least. And then you right-click their body to collect your loot. You do that a lot. And if the enemy drops the item you need, you tick the box. In this case, you’re at 1 out of 30 if the human drops –
Uh, hold on a sec.
(If the human drops his skull? Are there humans without skulls?)
Huh.
Oh. Wait.
Wait, this is phrased weird. It SPECIFICALLY asks for skulls.
Not too long ago, I deboned a coconut. Yeah, coconuts have bones. And that took some serious effort. Like, more than you would have really thought. You know, the first person who ever ate a coconut was remarkably determined to see that through to the end. (The sunken cost fallacy must have originated from a guy banging a coconut on a rock until he could eat it, dang it!)
Back at Tarren Mill, Zitheg, who is understandably confused at this request, makes sure he’s fully understanding what the Deathguard is asking for. You know, making sure it’s not a World of Warcraft snipe hunt.
-Deathguard Samsa! Hello.
-Greetings, shaman.
-I’ve got a quiiiick question about this notice I picked up from the quest board.
-Yes? What is it?
-It says I need to bring you, uh, thirty human skulls?
-Yes.
-…Really?
-Yes.
-So you’re collecting human skulls. And you…need…thirty more?
-Yes. I am collecting human sk-
-Yeah, I read that. During a war. During a literal war. I don’t even know where you’d find a spot to store them. This place has like, w-what? One two thr-, five? Five whole buildings? Five small buildings, at that!
-Do not begin question the machinations of Lady Sylvanas and her champi-
-Y-yeah. Right. Yeah. Sylvanas and her champions. Machinations. Hey, so. For real though. This is legit?
-Yes.
-…You seriously want thirty human skulls.
-Yes, thirty. Bring me thirty human skulls.
-Yeah, hu- human. SKULLS, even. …Thirty. Thirty skulls.
- …
-HUMAN skulls.
-…
-Thirty of them….That’s a lot.
-…
-So just their skulls, huh?
-…Yes.
-Just? JUST their skulls?
-Yes.
-So you need me to not only ambush and kill 30 different humans, without getting killed myself, which yeah, I can do and have done, no sweat. But you also need me to take their head and, I don’t know, what? Remove all its things down to where it’s just a skull?
-Yes.
-Really?!
-Yes.
-There’s a lot parts to a head! You know?! And it’s a war out there, Deathguard! There’s fighting all over the place. Where am I supposed to find the time to not only take the head of EVERY SINGLE HUMAN I kill, but to also whittle that down to, what, just a skull?
-…
-Listen. Listen. Can I just bring you their heads and you can, I don’t know, skullify them yourself? Can we do that?
-…
-Deathguard?
-I’m offering 2,550 experience points for this quest once you complete it.
-Yeah! So? Every human I kill is going to be worth about 200 experience! That’s 6,000 right there.
-So it’s like getting an extra 12.5 kills when you return, eh? When you think about it that way, every skull you bring is actually worth about 1.3 skulls. Eh? Ehhh?
-Still! Still! You just want the skull! And this is YOUR gross hobby. Why do I have to be the one to make it all weird? This is like someone’s collecting stamps, but those’re already stuck to envelopes and they’re inside that house over there and you need to remove the stamps without any envelope still on the backside. And also, the house is ON FIRE!
-…
-Or! Or! It’s like asking for human skulls, and JUST THEIR SKULLS, during a war! A literal war!
-I’m also offering a Skull Ring. It has +3 intellect and +3 stamina.
-…Oh dang. Oh dang, I don’t have any rings.
-Right?
-Of course, uh, you WOULD name it that, huh? Skull Ring?
-Pretty good, eh?
-I mean, no. No! Not at all. But I’m STILL just bringing you their heads. YOU can skull them. I don’t even know how I’d go about doing that myself. I mean, I know some fire magic, but it isn’t very good and it does low damage for its mana cost and I got this Burning War Axe and it has a five percent chance to-
-…
-You’re just getting the heads, Deathguard.
-…
-I’m leaving now.
-…
-…
-…
-How am I supposed to fit 30 heads or skulls or whatever into my backpack anyway?!